BEWARE THE MOON REVIEWS
It's CHRISTMAAAAASSSSS. And because of that, I feel I had to watch a Christmas film, that actually had some blood and guts in it and not just will they/won't they. Because, let's be fair, that's pretty much Christmas in a film... But, I didn't want that. I tend to get a bit of cabin fever at Christmas time, as I am now allowed to watch as many horror films as I would like, but I found a Christmas one, and it actually sounded pretty damn interesting! "When an awkward date on Christmas Eve leads a couple into a strange theater, they're treated to a bizarre and frightening collection of Christmas stories, featuring a wide ensemble of characters doing their best to avoid the horrors of the holidays. From boring office parties and last-minute shopping, to vengeful stalkers and immortal demons, there's plenty out there to fear this holiday season."
I love a good anthology, as I feel any people who have read my reviews know as I mention it a lot - I really love anthologies. I also loved this one as I feel I could watch it in December and it wouldn't be sinned upon. As it is an anthology, I shall be doing my normal and splitting it into parts, reviewing each part as I would a normal film, and then doing the beginning and end and, hopefully, tying it all together with a nice neat bow. So, onwards we go...
Did I also mention that each segment is named a lovely little Christmas name on a take off of a well known Christmas poem? Sweet, eh!
So, we enter the film on an incredibly awkward date at what looks like the worst little theatre in the world, and what looks like a similar show to a show I saw years ago... Spoiler alert, the show I saw was about a man living in a fridge, and it was terrible - this one follows that one, just like if they were twins.
Each section starts off with a board saying the story name, being shown by a pretty scary woman, who then leaves and three actors enter, they then start some form the story before it actually cuts to the story - kind of clever as it is very damn original. I did get a nervous twitch with it though, as it did take me back to a few weird little shows I have seen while at drama clubs...
'The Stockings Were Hung' is the first segment and is set at a very mediocre looking office Christmas party. Out come the Secret Santa presents - YES - until one blows a guys brains out and it turns out that they are locked in and someone wants to play a game. It is SAW like, but lacks the tension I guess, and the fun of the traps. I feel it could have been great, and is very similar, also, to The Belko Experiment, but doesn't take advantage of that great story line of cat and mouse. Still entertaining though, just not the best.
The next one 'Dash Away All' is next and is probably my favourite out of the lot - some of them feel cheaply made whereas this one is the opposite. Dash All Away makes you want to know more, I won't say what the whole story is as I don't want to give anything away, but it is basically a guy, locked out of his car after buying last minute presents, who meets two mysterious women. It is a basic concept, but with added bits, it just works so well! I wanted more, I wanted to know more - for a short film, it did it very well and had almost perfect timing.
'All Through The House' is next up and I wasn't a massive fan of it until right at the end where it did make me smile. It's pretty much if A Christmas Carol had a love child with a PG version of Breaking Bad. Man hates Christmas, takes drugs, tries to get laid and then gets into a fight with his neighbour before seeing the wrong in his ways. It's okay, but nothing really that special, until the ending when I did feel a little bit of warmth to my cold heart.
I love the story of 'Arose Such A Clatter', loved it so much - so much it should be a full movie and if someone helps, I'd happily make it... hint hint. Man runs over a reindeer and Rudolph comes after him for revenge - simple but it works. Well, works on paper, in this segment, not so much. It's just too short and I feel it tries to fit a lot in, but misses parts out while doing that, some shots in this are perfect though. Seeing the murders from the POV of the reindeer is so damn clever - again, another I would like to see more of!
'In A Twinkling' is last and I have to admit, I did really like this one too. I can't say I fully understood it all, but I still enjoyed it. Friends arrive at Steve's house after he'd warned them not to, and him and his girlfriend get caught in a time loop with some creepy friends who don't like being asked questions, but like to give you presents. It all sounds a bit weird and confusing, and it is, but I was into it and I was invested...and did I get it - nope! I still enjoyed it though, anything like The Twilight Zone and I'm there.
It then goes back to the couple in the theatre, and it gets weird, so damn weird, with a smiling man and the show turning into reality, and again, did I understand it all - nope - but did I enjoy it - hell yes.
I really liked the ending, I felt it was a good twist, even if I didn't get it, and I was tense, I had my mouth open, and then the worst thing happened - it ended. I wanted to see more, again. Really, I would have liked the ending to have been longer as I liked where it was going, but you gotta live with what you're given, and for what I had, I liked it.
Overall, All The Creatures Were Stirring was not as good as A Christmas Horror Story, but it was still good, on a lower budget and shorter in length, it still was very enjoyable and had some great concepts. Maybe not a Christmas classic, but I would take it over some Christmas films anyday.
Watching horror films since like 2003, when I could stand dead bodies..