BEWARE THE MOON REVIEWS
I finally saw it! I finally saw The Autopsy of Jane Doe, after so many people saying I would like it and to watch it, and after buying it on DVD and then for it to arrive on Netflix, I finally sat down and watched it - with the parents too as it was a day off for us all. "A father and son, both coroners, are pulled into a complex mystery while attempting to identify the body of a young woman, who was apparently harbouring dark secrets."
I have to admit a little secret that might make me seem weird to people, I have a fascination with autopsies in some way - I just find them so damn interesting, just seeing inside people and how they died and such. Yep, I find different things interesting, what can I say! So pretty much from the start I was into this, and it was a good film, a very good film at that. From the start to finish I was into it, and damn, the ending... that twist is something elseeeeeeeeee.
Autopsy of Jane Doe starts off with a mysterious body of a young girl coming in, all normal for a morgue right, until they start opening little Jane Doe up and looking more into her - literally. As soon as they open her up, all hell breaks loose, but in such good ways. This is a great film - but it's so tricky as I don't want to say too much due to spoiling it. I went into this film just being told and hearing that it was good and that I need to see it - I definitely feel it's the best way to go into it so I don't want to give anything away. I did not see the ending coming at all, at all. It's so damn unexpected and out of nowhere, and it's original too, so damn original.
As I don't want to spoil anything, I shall end this here, and I will finish it by saying you need to see this film, it's so original and it's creepy and clever and it scared my mum a lot - to the point she had her stressed face on. She only tends to have that on in either The Walking Dead or really scary horror films, and this was one of those. It makes you jump a lot, but not cheap ones, nice thought out ones that have been worked out. Not just jump scares though, this film is not just a film that relies on them, it's so much more than that, so much more. It's a film based in a morgue, that is scary to start with, but it builds and builds, like a nice trifle...
You need to see this! All I am going to say though, THE BELLS. THE BELLLLLSSSSSSS.
Of course, I would choose to watch the creepiest film out of the lot to watch latest and before bed! "Newlywed Molly moves into her deceased father's house in the countryside, where painful memories soon begin to haunt her." I saw this first years ago, but as far as I remember I never reviewed it or anything, and I couldn't remember much about it. I also feel a colleague may have mention how much she liked it a while back and I soon realised I didn't really remember any of it... So hey, I took the time and decided to watch it again - this time doing a review.
Turns out, it must have been a good few years since I last saw this as I really could not remember a thing. Parts of it rang a bell, or I thought I had heard about parts from word of mouth but it was like I had never watched it before. I had heard it was good though, so I was expecting it to be at least okay a little bit I guess - more than the other two I had just watched anyway.
I was impressed by this, mainly impressed by the fact that I actually found it kind of creepy... It's also a weird weird movie, but a good weird, one where you see a woman literally become possessed before your very eyes by something unknown.
Lovely Molly is a fairly slow burner, but it's a good burner, slightly slow in places but it keeps you engrossed, to the point where you literally would never be able to stop watching as you're just so intrigued by the ending. It's one of those films that follows the cliché path, all is well, and you see the main character happy as Larry, until it all starts going wrong and they start to act weird. In this case, very weird, weird where you have pretty much no idea with what is going on. I feel like I have mentioned before how weird this film is, but it is just so damn weird.
Molly acts weird and she looks like she has been eaten by a whale, digested and then spat out again, and there is some damn creepy singing that she keeps hearing and that keeps making her walk around naked and stare at a wall naked. The singing was the creepy part of this, I could deal with her trying to seduce people and biting off body parts, (obviously, it's me), but the singing was damn creepy. Things like that get to me, noises or singing from far off and down corridors or even phones with no answer or knocks on doors where there is no one there. I blame the Edgar Allan Poe episode of The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror for all these little things creeping me out more than most...
Lovely Molly is definitely a good film, it will make you feel a little creeped out and a little confused but you probably will enjoy it - the ending though, that ending... I will be honest, I liked how it ended it, but what happened at the end and what made her turn weird - I have pretty much no idea whatsoever. I spent a good twenty or so minutes Googling the end and the whole film itself, and I still have doubts about what I thought - yep, it's one of those films. It gets you thinking, one of those films that my mum would hate as she likes clear endings, this film does not leave you with a clear ending. You see things, but it's not enough to form a full story in your mind, well, one that might be the same as your friend who watched it...
Overall, I did enjoy Lovely Molly, very glad I rewatched it after years and would recommend it, but with a warning that you might be pretty damn lost and confused after you watched it... It makes you think though - keeps you young!
Second film - Zombie Night. Secret Confession, I bought this for two reasons, one, obviously it's a horror film, and two, because of the cast... "Zombies come out at night and two families must survive until morning." Sounds fun right, well, you wait until I tell you the cast! Anthony Michael Hall! From The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles and more! The sex goddess that is Daryl Hannah and Ferris Bueller's Day Off's Alan Ruck! It's literally like an 80s mashup of sexy 80s people - sadly though, that is the best thing really about this film....
Sad time of my life, the first film of the four and the second too, neither were that good. Zombie Night was better than The Relic, I shall say that, but still not mind blowing in anyway.
Zombie Night is simple, which is fine for a film, but I will say one thing, and this is not saying anything bad about the actual channel, it was made by the SyFy channel... Now, not a lot of films have come out of that channel and been that successful, Sharknado is probably the biggest, and the rest are watched and enjoyed but due to how bad they are. Zombie Night is not awful, like you don't watch it and think this is utter crap, it just doesn't really have anything going for it.
Zombie Night doesn't stand out compared to other zombie films, the cast, I would say, were chosen due to getting people to watch the film. And it did work, like that's why I bought it! It just seemed to run out of ideas past that and just turned into a fairly average zombie film, it's not filmed the best and the settings are obvious, it's just not that special.
I hate putting a film down as people put their heart into it, so I will say, it didn't make me regret watching it. Zombie Night is a zombie film, it did nothing wrong, it has good zombies, some good gore, and is a film on the zombies trying to eat people and the people killing them in different ways - simple. It's a simple zombie movie, with a cast that you can google to see what they used to look like - now that's fun.
So the parents were away for a bit, and while they are away I take advantage and have a party... NOPE. I sat and watch horror movies instead - this time three were had. The Relic was the first one on the list. "A homicide detective helps a biologist hunt a giant creature that is killing people in a Chicago museum."
I mainly chose this one to watch, (I had a whole pile of unwatched DVDs to choose from.), because I liked the story and because the monster and most of the effects were done by the great Stan Winston and his school. I love horror make up, how people make themselves look gory - it's like a Christmas mystery to me. Saying that though, I am better at horror make up than normal make up... if I could walk around and go on dates without scaring people away, I would happily do horror make up all day. Normal make up is a riddle to me, like if anyone reading this can do make up, please, teach me your ways!
As I said, these were the two reasons I chose this film, one held up, the other, not so much...
The make up was brilliant, the monster was pretty much all done without CGI, and that is great in some movies, such as Jurassic Park and American Werewolf in London - in this film it made it. The monster is great fun, it's different and creepy and slightly reptile-ish in some way. And who am I kidding, I love a good monster movie. In this film though, the monster was really the only thing I liked about it...
The film as a whole was a bit meh. It was okay entertainment wise, but I will be honest, I did lose concentration during it and I think I started talking to my cat mid way. The film was part action and part horror I would say, and it did turn into something that more resembled an action film if I am honest. Lots of running around and jumping, did remind me of The Poseidon Adventure if I am honest - obviously the scenes without the monster did. As soon as the monster showed its face, all about the horror.
I hate doing bad reviews, but I really did not like The Relic if I am honest, I just wasn't really entertained by it, I got a little bored and I was kind of happy when it was over. To be fair, when dad got home and I said I'd watched it, he also wasn't that thrilled when I asked him if he'd seen it. The monster make up was great, but that was really about it - outstanding make up though. Outstanding.
Don't Kill It is one of those films that you feel like you've never heard of, and you came across it completely by accident, only to find that it seems kind of familiar and you think you have seen it. "An aging demon hunter teams up with an FBI agent to defeat a supernatural menace that's terrorizing a small town in Mississippi. There's just one catch: The malevolent entity has the ability to possess the person that kills it."
I started watching it earlier on in the day, but had to go to work, fast forward to the evening and trying to watch something with Father, I mentioned this film and he was up for it - did I mind watching the beginning of this film again? Not at all! This film has one of those beginnings that pulls you in, as soon as I saw the gun and the guts and the blood, I was fully into it. Even the camera angles were great, some of them just swung around the room Matrix style.
Into the actual film we go, and I have to say, Dolph Lundgren looks great, he's sixty and he definitely doesn't have the body of one.
One thing I really loved about this film, was the fact that Dolph Lundgren is the hero, obviously, (he plays the silent but mysterious and deadly stranger very well), and what do most heroes do? Smoke. But wait, this was made and released in 2016, you can't smoke indoors nowadays and Dolph's character tends to smoke indoors in this film, keeping in character. Ah, he doesn't smoke, he vapes. VAPES. Yes, vapes. Best decision ever. Only thing though, I found myself watching the film wondering what flavour it is, maybe apple pie?
Don't Kill It is a simple movie with a clever title, obviously it's pretty much a massive clue on the monster in the film, simple but something that was a great little touch. It's also a very entertaining movie, it's gory and does have some funny moments, but it's also not the best made film. The acting isn't the best and the effects aren't all that to most, (I loved the effects as they were that really OTT gore that you laugh at, gore that makes my night), most being people who want class killings that look real. This film is not for you if that is what you want - well, you might still enjoy it, but just be warned, you will laugh, one scene even involves a lady being killed, only the lady is switched at the last moment for what looks like a blow up doll, and that is killed instead. It's a laugh, it's a film that can take the mickey out of itself and it does it, it does it very well actually. I liked it, a lot actually.
One thing about this film is that I feel people will judge it, for one, it's a fairly unknown horror film, and unless you're a big budget, maybe award winner who is tackling hard subjects, people probably will not take you seriously, and the other, is, and I feel bad saying this, Dolph Lundgren. He hasn't really done the best films and such now, has he, in recent times anyway, I for one like the guy, and I don't think he did a bad job at all in this film. It's a horror film and it stars an actor who is not known for his blockbusters, something that might make people turn it off - that's wrong, don't. Give this a chance, it might not change you'll life, but you'll have a great time, and who doesn't want that?!
As promised in my last review, here is my review on the last Cloverfield film, The Cloverfield Paradox, "A group of scientific researchers on a space station attempt to harness a new energy source called the "God Particle," only to unleash something terrifying."
I have also just realised I forgot to mention how I watched 10 Cloverfield Lane with my dad and I also watched this film with him too, he is a big fan of the first Cloverfield - fun fact right there.
Each of these films are insanely different, but they are all brilliant in their own ways. This one is in space though, not in a city or a bunker, in space in a spaceship - it's pretty damn interesting and clever. Paradox basically goes back to basics with Cloverfield and you learn how it all started, I hope that's not a spoiler.... pretty sure it's not.
For being the last one out of the three, it takes it allllll the way back to the beginning.
Thing about this film, and it's not a bad thing at all, it's a cliché is what it is, is that even though each person on here is probably smarter than the average person, they do not act smart. At all. This is a cliché though in any film like this, even good films, characters seem to have brain farts and do stupid things, it makes for a great story! Take Alien, good old Kane sticks his head in an unknown type of rock and, surprise surprise, an alien pops out and further on kills him. A brilliant film, but with brain farts.
This is similar, it's a good film and it keeps you watching, but the characters definitely do some silly, silly things. Hear a random noise coming from the wall? Open the wall and pull out what ever is in there, why don't you, because that's smart. But hey, it makes for a great movie.
The Cloverfield Paradox is a good ending to this franchise, a very good ending, it ties it all up in a nice little bow and pretty much ends where it starts - if you get what I mean. I don't want to say too much as, with all these films, the spoilers are difficult to spot, but it's very good. Probably my least favourite out of the three, but it does not make it bad at all. Actually, the deaths in this film are great, such a weird thing to say but they are so damn original. And don't knock Chris O'Dowd and him being in a serious film, he's brilliant and damn funny. Good tension, good deaths, a good story and it rounds it all off well at the end.
Got a free weekend? Watch all three in one go, I dare you!
Who doesn't love a good franchise?! I love one. It's like a long relationship in some ways, it has ups and downs, yet, you just keep wanting more. 10 Cloverfield Lane is the second of this one, and in my eyes, it's my favourite...I think, even though the first one is very good too. (Can't say much about the third one, as it's my next review and I would really like you to read it so I don't want to give anything away.). "A young woman wakes up after a terrible accident to find that she's locked in a cellar with a doomsday prepper, who insists that he saved her life and that the world outside is uninhabitable following an apocalyptic catastrophe. Uncertain what to believe, the woman soon determines that she must escape at any cost."
10 Cloverfield Lane is a slow bugger of a burner. At first it starts out with Michelle chained in a room, which is weird, she is then given crutches and allowed to roam and she meets Emmett, another in this little bunker. Oh, and this is all after meeting Howard, played by the brilliant John Goodman, but who still sounds like Sully... So far, it goes from weird and creepy, to Howard saving them as he tells them the air outside is killing everyone - nice one Howard! Or is that just what they want you to think...?
I have a feeling this might be a short review as I really do not want to spoil anything about this film, like I am not a spoiler and I hate spoiling, and this film has some great great moments. Moments that I would be so sad to ruin for anyone.
Saying all of the above, I will say as much as I can without spoiling... I liked this film a lot, it's a tense film, that has you on the edge, it really knows how to do tension well. It's a slow burner but it knows what it's doing - each twist and turn will be like little punches in the face. It's a film that had everything I want in a film I guess, take out the gore side of what I want and it had it. I like tension, I like twists, and I like parts that make you gasp or shock you. And man, I was shook by the end. The end was the worst part of it for me, but only because I am not an alien fan and it turned a bit more into an action film right at the end, than a thriller type. It's still great though, it still ends it really well and links into the other films well too. Little subtle links, nothing massively in your face.
I also don't know if they were actual nods, but I thought there were clever little nods throughout this film, like Back to the Future and War of the Worlds... They may have just been me though...
Damn, this is a short little review, but rather a short little review than one that ruins a good film for someone... I loved this film, I thought it was a great little entry that is in no way a held up by the greatness of the first Cloverfield and can definitely hold its own. Highly recommend it to anyone, even if you don't like either of the others, this is very different. But damn, Roseanne is back soon?! Howard has a family! And is not blue.
The reviews for this film were and still are awful, but yet, I wanted to give it a chance - the trailer really did pull me in. "20 years after a horrific accident during a small town school play, students at the school resurrect the failed show in a misguided attempt to honor the anniversary of the tragedy - but soon discover that some things are better left alone." It is also made by Blumhouse, and I pretty much wee with excitement everytime I see their name on any horror films, any.
I wanted to see this as soon as it came out, even though it was a found footage film, another found footage film... Those damn found footage films, can't get rid of them at this minute in time, started with that crap Blair Witch Project, didn't it?! Anyhoo, yes, another found footage, and another cocky camera man who knows everyone but isn't liked by everyone - that whole story and those characters. Nothing different really to any other found footage film, the only thing really that was different was the accident at the beginning. Someone accidentally being killed by props in a show is a whole new ball park and one that I liked the sound of.
What I didn't like the idea of was that the group of characters were going to be stuck in the school/wherever the show would be held. It just didn't seem that realistic, and when I say that, I mean realistic for horror movies, obviously horror films aren't none for being realistic... I just couldn't take being stuck in a type of school theatre seriously, watching the film though, it wasn't as bad as I had thought, still unrealistc but it wasn't awful.
The Gallows is a jumpy movie, let's get that straight - this mother will make you jump. It's not technically scary, like I watched this late at night and slept fine, but you will jump lots. Mainly because pretty much the whole film is set in the dark, done by torchlight and doesn't have a lot of music to it, so when there is a bang, you almost need to change your underwear. Numerous times I almost had to change my underwear, numerous times. Not just once or twice, it was at least double that. The film even slowed down and just ended up making you watch the scenary so I fast forwarded it a little bit, and it still made me jump. I wound through and played it right on an image of a dead body and a loud bang, damn you. By the end of it, I was sweating, literally sweating, I couldn't be doing with any more jumps so I was glad when it was over - not because I didn't like the film though.
Overall, The Gallows wasn't an awful film. It was fun and entertaining most of the time, with, what I thought was an easy to follow story, (turns out I missed some of it and had to Wikipedia to find out about the twists and the ending, whoops.). It's not going to make any top films lists in years to come, but it would be very fun to watch in a group, I will say that, depending what I do on Halloween, I might pull this one out as I am certain, there will be trousers needing to be changed after watching it.
Biggest downfall to it? The awful CGI jump scare right at the end, I won't say what happens, but it was pretty damn laughable and was not needed. Damn, and I hate to end it on a bad note, but hey, makek your endings better next time, or take out the cheap jump scare...
Watching horror films since like 2003, when I could stand dead bodies..