BEWARE THE MOON REVIEWS
So, I have a friend, Lawrence, a very tall friend who does a very good podcast with his friend, and they liked one of my article ideas so much they did it themselves, but obviously with their own twists to them.
So go listen, they do a little shout out for me, and have some very good ideas! You'll like it, so you might as well know, they have other episodes before, which you should go and hear too. :)
https://soundcloud.com/thenatterboxpodcast - the latest one is Tears from Fears. Now go!
So, going a little old school with this one, back to the basics with the start of a massive franchise, Paranormal Activity, about a couple who moved into a new house, only to find it will not be happy sailling.
I shall let you know how this review is going to go, by just saying this; I feel this is one of the most overrated horror movies of all times. Really. I had high hopes for this, being all the hype around it and I especially loved the adverts for it, the night vision clips showing terrified movie goers. I was not one of those terrified movie goers, well, I first watched it when it came on TV for one, and two, it wasn't scary. Shock horror.
There was not really any of this film that I actually enjoyed, if I am being honest, I thought it was slow, like yes, in films, build tension, but don't make it seem like you have forgotten you are making a horror movie.. Nothing really happened until right at the end, but even the ending was just full of cheap scares, such as just loud noises. And until the ending happened, you were getting to know and meeting the characters, who, let's be fair, were fairly annoying and not well thought out in some ways. Wait, I feel cruel saying that, Katie is less annoying than Micah to be fair, she's not a great character, but at least she doesn't try to make the whole thing worst by calling ghosts and all sorts.. I have no sympathy for people who try the paranormal and such, he brought it on himself completely, well, not him, her, Katie was the one being assaulted being the paranormal. Making him even more of a dick...
As you can see, I did not like this film. Scarily, I prefer the third one, the third one I think is actually pretty darn good. So, what I would say, watch the third one over this if you want to watch one. If not for the storyline, do it for the dad...Dennis the DILF. Too rude?
Okay, so before you say, "Wow, you actually watched this - you hard ass?!", no, I did not watch it, I watched the trailer, and I actually think it is a film that I do not want to see - that is a first!
Faces Of Death is basically a movie that is a collection of scenes of deaths, some are real and some are fake. And that is the film, that is all of it. The maker wanted to show the different faces of death and he did that, in the freakiest way possible.
Me and my friend, other friend, planned to have a disturbing movie day and I thought of this one, but, shock horror, I saw the trailer and it put me off it. Just in the trailer you see nitty, gritty clips of decapitation, suicide, autopsies and a death by electrocution. And I couldn't even work out which were real and which were fake - the ones in the trailer definitely looked real though....
The whole film just seems like something I might regret watching, bit like if I ever saw Two Girls, One Cup, you can't unsee things, as my dear dad said to me when I told him I had watched this trailer - and I think he might be right.
The concept is an interesting one, how death differ, but that doesn't mean I want to see it all, and see loads of people over and over again dying. Yes, I love CSI and such, and I like to know about old serial killers and such, but that doesn't mean I want to see it all.
It intrigues me, and part of me still wants to watch it, but as I said, there are some things you can't unsee and I feel I am too young to want to burn my eyelids from seeing too many deaths. But hey, someday I might watch it...
I am on the edge just thinking I have to find images for it, maybe some nice cute animals instead...
Right, the last film watched on my horror night with friends, and another one that I had seen before and didn't think I was a fan of but gave it a go, again. The Conjuring is about the famous paranormal investigators, Ed and Lorraine Warren, who are called to an old house when strange things start happening to the family living there.
I love all things paranormal, (apart from all the fake shite that you see on tv, and such when people pay loads to hear from 'family'...), and I am a massive fan of the Warren's, (who even admitted they were a little fake too, but not thieving fake.), and all their stories, so I was excited for this. I watched the TV show The Enfield Haunting, which is about this, and that was so good and so scary - this however, not so much, and I don't even know why I don't like it.
The film starts out well, you learn about the Warren's, you learn about the characters, and you see the normal cliches, one of them being the family pet is not happy with the house, and you see some of the other cases the Warren's have, which is actually a really clever idea. Like I would happily watch a film all about their cases, new and old. And I know Annabelle is out, but I have yet to see that, shockingly.
I also like most of the cast, mainly Patrick Wilson and Mia Farmiga, I think they do a really good job and I am a fan of them both. At the beginning, I have pretty much no complaints about the film, it holds tension, it's clear with the story, and it's just enjoyable. So far so good. But then somewhere along the lines, about half way through, it just goes down hill, I just stop enjoying it and everytime I have watched it, the same thing happens. At about half way through, I just start losing interest, to the point where I am not really that bothered by what happens and I would much rather read about it online. The annoying thing is too, I don't even know what part of why I lose it so much, I am not alone though as one of my friends agreed with me.. And it wasn't just because I was feeding and watering them..
The Conjuring is an interesting but frustrating film, as the concept to it is so so good, and the whole story behind it is good, but it does not handle it well, and I just feel it could have been so much better. Just don't ask me how, because I don't know, being that I don't know which part makes it take its nose dive... I am going to see the second one though, as I am that into this story and I will get it a second chance... And Annabelle too, that's on my list..
Second film of mine and my friend's horror night a few weeks back, The Ring. After her and her son watch the mysterious killer videotape, she tries to track down where it first came from and stop it before it ends up catching up to them.
I had seen this film before this night, and I knew I wasn't that keen on it before it had even started, but me and my friends are a terrible bunch of people who couldn't and still can't decide what to watch, so one brought this one up, and we went for it.
I was pretty sure I didn't think much of this film before we'd even put it on and I was kind of right...
I am not a massive fan of this film, I have yet to see the original one, so I can't really compare them but I have heard it's better, and in someways, without even seeing it, I could tell you it was better. The Ring, this version, is okay, it's got some scary moments, mainly the video itself and the girl, the video is creepy, weird but creepy, and the girl is obviously too. But that is about it really, it's an enjoyable film, just mainly because it is easy to watch, and has some fairly good scares in it, but that's it.
I love Naomi Watts in everything - so no criticism here, but what I can say, is she should have used a condom with a man to stop that child being born. Her child in it, Aiden, dear god, why did she just not let the girl get him, he needed to go, even if he fell down the well, I would have been happy. But nooooo, she has to be the good person and try and save him. Boo you. He's so so annoying, (if you didn't already guess, I hate most kids in horror films..), he does nothing, he gets in the way, he watches the tape, I mean who watches a random tape, someone else's tape, what did he think it would be, porn?! Silly boy. And he just has this 'punch me, and hate me' face, that looks like he is trying to look concerned but just comes across as just the lights are on but there is not one home.
Something in me tells me that I, a) don't hate this film and b), can't say that I hate this film either, and I do not know why. It's probably because I don't hate it, it's a film I will watch but I don't to I guess, like I never get a craving to watch it. Yeah, that's good, if it's offered, I watch it, but I don't crave it. Boom.
So, this was the start of mine and my friends horror movie night, we did start later than we thought, (as the English weather was insane and we were outside.), so that is the reason for a horror night that went from 7pm to about 3am only includes three films... But don't blame the English weather because we want the heat back..
So, first film on the list; In Fear, a couple, on their two week anniversary, may I add, drive around Ireland for a festival and to find a hotel, but end up being stalked and getting trapped in a maze by something unknown.
Throughout this film, I thought it looked familiar and I thought I knew what was coming up. Turns out, I had seen it before. Now, having seen a film and not realising as you sat and watched that film that you had actually seen it, I'm not what that says about the film. I would say it doesn't say that the film is brilliant, or that memorable. Butttttt, doesn't mean it was a terrible film.
I would say it just means that I am mellow about the film as a whole, it's not outstanding, but it has some tense and jumpy moments, and it has some okay, (some more okay than others.) characters.
One of the main things that stood out in this film to me and my friends, was that the two main characters were doing all this for their two week anniversary, TWO WEEK, TWO WEEK. I think some people who have been together for two years, wouldn't even drive around Ireland, following a map and a sat nav, as this can lead to arguments, and lots of "turn that way!", "that one?", "yes, that one", "well if you'd said it earlier..", that type of thing, you get the picture... Even going on Come Dine With Me would have been too much of a push after like two years, and I would choose that over a long road trip like this to test a relationship...
The film overall is an interesting concept, it's a safe concept, the whole couple getting lost thing is an already done story that does need something different to stand out nowadays. In Fear didn't really master that side of it, it was good with only a small cast and with a few twists thrown in, but apart from those, it was just a normal horror. Maybe about the middle of the scale. I did like the ending though, I've seen this film a few times, and as I said, I don't remember most, the ending being one part I don't remember... Not remembering the ending isn't a bad thing in this case though, I love the shock of it. And there you go, one part of the film I liked in a lower than average film... Easy film if you're not bothered about what you're watching.
Look at me seeing new horror films! This one has only recently come out! I am proud. Anyway, The Boy; A young woman, Greta, takes a job in an old English mansion to babysit a child, only to find this no ordinary child.... DUH DUH DUHHHHHH.
I kid about seeing it when it has only just come out, but I am so so glad I did, I actually really liked this film - like really really liked it.
From the start, you're hooked, you like the characters, (Yes, Greta is a little rude walking into the house and investigating it without being allowed to, but hey, that is a cliche thing to do in horror films...), all the characters have the correct gut feelings about them, the old couple are weird, the boy is creepy, and the friendly handsome stranger is nice but also a suspect.
So, if you hadn't already guessed, they pretty much nailed it character wise and location wise. The house is also the creepiest thing, even making my mother say that she wouldn't go there unless could go full Changing Rooms on their behinds...
If there was a training school for keeping the tension, the crew of this film could teach it, you could cut this tension with any type of knife, even one of those kiddy knives in the fake kitchens you can get...
It's really good at tension, only problem, the trailer gives one very good jump away... Bad editing that was. But apart from that, the scares in this hold the tension and then leads into a jump - which I do normally hate, but these aren't cheap jumps. They are well thought out and aren't just loud noises, I won't mention any of them, as I don't want to spoil any, just watch it and hold onto your bladder.
I loved the twist, but I can see how some could hate it, as in some ways, if you thought about it hard enough, like most twists, but Fight Club, you could work it out. I would recommend you not to though, as they do do it well, the twist comes out of nowhere and from somewhere you don't expect.
I liked this film, a lot, and I didn't know much about it at all, which is exactly what I am doing here, I am stopping this here, as I don't want to say too much about a good film. I will say one thing; GO AND SEE IT. It scared my mother, which always shows a good film. She's a tough cookie.
Lauren Cohan, you chose well with this film, as everyone will compare it to The Walking Dead. Must have been a relief not to be almost eaten for once too...
Now, this is a bizarre film... A woman will do anything to get the career she wants, even by joining a satanic cult.
The whole film starts as a normal film in a way, Sarah wants to be this world famous actress, wants the fame and the money, and keeps trying and trying but is getting no where. Oh no. But wait, she has a call back on an audition! Could this be her way in?! If this was a comedy or a romantic film - yes, but not in this film, oh no. This is just the start for poor Sarah - she does get herself into this pickle though to be fair.. She wants this so badly, she will literally do anything, and this is her downfall...
It all starts with one of her first auditions, she loses her temper, which leads to her pulling out some of her hair in the loo and getting caught by one of the people doing the auditions. Does she get dismissed, or asked if she needs any help? Nope. Nope, nope, nope. The opposite, they ask her to re-do what she has just done in the loo. Because that is all normal to do. This is where it starts going wrong for Sarah, she should learn to say no at this point... She starts pulling out her hair and then strips, not ala Fully Monty, may I add. But, as you can guess, this is only the start.
hIt then goes on to her turning weird, and not, she was suddenly quiet and is now really loud, weird, like dingo ate my baby, but she is the baby. She is basically put under a trance by them, (which is a normal thing to do.), and since then, she was never the same. She just acts cruel, and then gets sick.
I'll be honest, until this point I was not fully into this film, I was pretty much doing other things while this was on, but as soon as she started becoming ill, I was in. (That makes me sound like a horrible person, but hear me out.)
The film until this point is okay, but it's nothing special, when she starts getting ill - you start watching!
Okay, I get that saying when she gets ill, the film gets better makes me sound like a really bad person, but it's the truth - the gore in this film is pretty original. Her hair falls out, nails fall off or are pulled off, and she just vomits like Regan in the Exorcist. It's brilliant and hits you as it is, in a way, more realistic gore than most. And I hate being ill, so as soon as she started throwing up pea soup, I felt it, and I realised just how bad she had it... Oh! And how could I forget the dumbell death.. I shall say no more...
Badly though, that was the best part of the film, the gore, even the ending dips the film down again, as it is just so weird. It's an alright film, a different one, but not one I would be watching in a long time.
Watching horror films since like 2003, when I could stand dead bodies..