BEWARE THE MOON REVIEWS
Starting this review has made me realise I don't think I ever reviewed the first Human Centipede... Whoops. But yes, onto Human Centipede, the second one though, my friend had seen this before, I had not, but out of all the films on Netflix, it was probably the most 'disturbing' horror films, along with the third one, so we thought, why not.
'Inspired by the fictional Dr. Heiter, disturbed loner Martin dreams of creating a 12-person centipede and sets out to realize his sick fantasy.' If you google 'disturbing films', these films will come up, so I thought I might be in for something shocking. The first one didn't really do anything for me, I didn't really see the point of it and I didn't find it disturbing. This one is pretty much the same... I didn't really see the point of it, and it was really disturbing - but, but, I will say that they are a little bit entertaining, like a little bit. It kills an evening.
In all fairness, I thought the concept was clever, actually very clever. The whole idea that Martin watched the first one, and became obsessed with it and that's the story of the second one. I actually liked that a lot, like a weird version of Inception really. A film within a film in a way. About mouths and anus' being fixed together.
Now, here is where you start thinking I am a bit weird...I did not mind this movie at all. Me and my friend watched these as they are always listed on 'the most disturbing movies ever made' or very similar to those lists, and we like to try and disturb ourselves by the sounds of it. But, this film did not do anything of the sort, it's quite a fun little film actually, it's fairly entertaining. And that is something I bet you had never thought you'd hear anyone saying..
It is a ridiculous film though, if nothing else, it is ridiculous. I mean it is 12 people, tied down on a floor of a garage, (and no one uses the garage in the entire film..), one being a pregnant woman, who goes into labour at one point and runs across the room, leaking. That is one part of this film.
Another part is when Martin's mum goes into his room in the middle of the night and stabs his bed, thinking its him...spoiler alert, it isn't him. He comes in and finds her stabbing his bed. Just a wee bit awkward. These are only a few of the absolutely ridiculous, ridiculous scenes in this whole movie. There are plently more, but that takes out all of the fun of you watching it all.
I think this counts as disturbing, I think, I didn't personally find it disturbing but my mum hates these films and she is less desensitised to them than me, so we shall go with that. Some would find these disturbing, the concept is weird and is pretty grim, but it just did not effect me. I found it entertaining as a whole, wasn't too keen on it being all in black and white, but overall, it killed an hour or two and I don't regret it.
Okay, so picture the scene, it's boxing day, friends are round, we play games, eat, drink and are merry. Then guests leave but one stays behind to watch horror films with me. He is similar to me in the way he likes tough, disturbing horror films, so we set out to watch some bad ones...
This started at about 10PM and I wasn't in bed until 6am, yep, we are hardcore.. We got through four full movies, one I won't be reviewing as it is Saw 6 and its needs its own list. We also started one but it was never finished....because it was bulls. This is that review...
The really really really bad movie was Krampus. Wait, I hear you say, you mean the new one that only came out like last year or so, and that actually didn't do too shabby at the box office? That one? Let's just say, that's the one we thought it was too... It is not.
'Jeremy, a local police officer leads a life of a confusing past, spending his current time searching for his kidnapper as a child. After other children begin missing, Jeremy pieces together the truth and realizes that his childhood kidnapper could be a creature of ancient yuletide lore, Krampus, who is the brother of St. Nick, and punisher of children who perform acts of unspeakable evil without repercussion. Can Jeremy kill Krampus and prevent more missing children?'
Doesn't it sound thrilling? Well, we wouldn't know, we only got past the credits and then stopped. It was dreadful, no idea what was going on, was cheaply made and just shot horrifically.
Now, I hate to not finish a horror film, or to say a film is bad when it is on a low budget, because they are not always bad, but this was - literally one of the worst things I have ever seen. So, sorry Krampus, we tried you as it is Christmas, and it is the time for good will, but even good will didnt do it enough. I'm going to try your newish cousin next from 2015....
Watching horror films since like 2003, when I could stand dead bodies..