BEWARE THE MOON REVIEWS
You want to watch a weird film, a super gory film, and one that could make you feel a little bit dirty? Girl on the Third Floor might just be for you! "A man tries to renovate a dilapidated house for his growing family, only to learn that the house has other plans."
Oh boy, where do I start? Well, I saw the trailer for this months ago, probably back in 2019, and I wanted to lay my eyeballs on it straight away - sadly, it was never mentioned again over here in the UK, unless I missed it... It was never mentioned again, UNTIL NOW, when Netflix has kindly added it. And what day did I decide to watch it on? A Sunday, with the parents sitting either side of me - I know what you are thinking: Aren't they lucky parents, because that is such a Sunday movie, and such a nice film to watch. Well yes, yes they are, and here's why...
Girl on the Third Floor is a weird film, so bizarre, a film that will make you say "whaaaaaat?" a lot, and one that never really reveals anything until the ending. And you know what, I dug it! I honestly was into this the whole time. Did I have any idea what was going on? Nope! Did I care? Not really. I had all the gore I wanted and, not to be too crude, but the house was oozing something that looked like semen, and blood - talk about a body horror. And not even a body horror, a house body horror - now that's new.
Honestly, I can say I have never seen a house drip semen before, and I don't think I knew how to react to that, what I knew how to react to though, was how Don, the main guy, was touching it all with no gloves or anything on. Not only that, he was renovating the whole house with no gloves, no mask, no nothing - was he mad?! The house ejaculated on him, and he didn't even feel the need to watch protection?! Have save sex, kids!
I really did dig this film, the whole film, no idea what was going on, and I liked that. You have to stick with the film right up until the end to know who the mysterious Sarah was, why the house keeps getting excited and all that other shit that comes with it - no shit is in this film though, as a warning. That is not a bodily fluid the house lets out...
I did think I had the end down to a T and I liked the ending, but then I wanted more on the film and so Googled it... and damn, people have a lot of different ideas on it. Ideas that I can't say due to spoilers, but let's just say, I fell down that rabbit hole and now what I thought, might not be what the director thought...
Anyway, this film is mental, so mental, but I liked it. It satisfied me gore wise, and body horror wise, and honestly, some days you just need to watch a film that makes you feel a bit dirty and see a house get a bit turned on, rightttttt?
Just call me a sick bugger, maybe.
Oh, and remember, the dog is just an actor...
Watching horror films since like 2003, when I could stand dead bodies..