BEWARE THE MOON REVIEWS
I feel I really need to stop watching horror films with dates, because if/when it all goes to pot and I never see them again, if I ever watch this film again, it’s just a reminder of what could have been. Sob. I had a date where we decided to watch the worst films we knew about. And when I say worst, I mean so bad they are actually kind of fun to watch. After a bit of deliberation, we decided on Troll 2. I went into it not knowing that much about it, I had not seen the first one, but according to my date, I didn’t need to as it had nothing to do with the second – so that worked. Only part I had really seen is the infamous "Oh my goooooooddddddd!" scene. You know the scene...
What can I say about Troll 2, and where on earth do I start?! I might do it in little bullet points as I have a fair few points to say...
1. For one, something that annoyed me, they aren’t even trolls... Turns out, they are goblins...GOBLINS. It’s good I didn’t go into this wanting a film about trolls...
2. The family in the film also go on holiday to Nilbog. Get it? (My date couldn’t get over why they would go to somewhere with such a horrible sounding name.) Not only do they go on holiday there, they do this weird house swap with another family, a family who are literally the weirdest family and away with the fairies. Yeah, why not? Why wouldn’t you swap your whole house with a family like this, makes sense right...?
3. The goblins basically eat people who come to Nilbog, but can only do that when they have become veggies, and to do that, humans must eat this weird green stuff or brightly coloured liquid. Few things, both items of food look off and dodgy, to the point, I don’t think most would eat them as they would consider them off... Another thing, some of the characters except a free bottle of milk from a creepy shop owner. It is all he has in the shop and it hasn’t even been in the fridge – I feel I could do quite well in this film, as all of these shouts weird to me. When the family also arrive at Nilbog, they happily almost eat the food left on the table, the weird green stuff, after saying goodbye to the strange family, and no one but the son thinks this is weird.
4. The son only thinks this is weird though, due to his very creepy grandpa visiting him in visions and mirrors and warning him. A grandpa who died about 6 months prior to going away, where the mum says that he should be over it by now.
5. People literally go missing in this film, and no one who was with them seems to actually care. I won’t say anymore, as you might not want to know who does go missing, but all I am going to say, is there are no search parties.
6. Hands down, the best character: Creedence Leonore Gielgud. Damn, the actress acts this like her life depends on it. Second best: The priest with the good hair.
7. If you are watching this, and trying to take dating skills from it, don’t. Do not see a girl, with her clothes ripped running through some woods, and think, “Great, she looks single!”, and run after her looking for a good time. Do not do it.
I feel I have lot more to say about Troll 2, but I do want you to read it and not give up on my reviews due to dying from reading too much, so I shall end this here. I shall say, even though it is a very bad film, Troll 2 was some of the most fun I have had, film wise. At no point was I bored or regretting any decisions to watch it. Maybe not with a date next time though...
Watching horror films since like 2003, when I could stand dead bodies..