I'm in my early mid twenties, (I like to say early twenties as it makes me feel less old...), and I have never once been broody or felt like I wanted to have children. Maybe it's because I have been single a lot, and like it, or because I like having a cat more than a screaming like person, but still, I don't feel I have that maternal part in me.
This article is kids in horror movies and how they might put you off having some of your own - unless you are me, who doesn't really need any persuading at this point in time...
First up on this list of evil little people, the obvious one, Damien, Satan's son - I mean, c'mon, can you get any more evil than that?! Damien is the actual son of Satan, the actual son, not step son or anything, actual son, and has that annoying child look. You know the look, face like a smacked arse, who doesn't really say much, and just stares at you, all without saying anything. Just thinking of those children annoys me.
Damien is worst though, he basically, without actually talking to them, talks themselves into killing and death. Death basically follows you around if you know Damien and he doesn't like you. I don't like kids and I am pretty sure he wouldn't like me...
Next one is up, and this is a bunch of children as they were pretty much all as bad as each other. Number two are all the little kids from The Children. In The Children the kids all get ill and turn killer, so technically, them being annoying isn't their fault, it's the virus, but people had those children and they turned killer. If I had had kids, they could have caught that virus too, just saying... These kids stare again, the staring seems to be a common thing in annoying children, and scream and kill. Unlike Damien, they kill or set it up so the person will die in a horrible 'accident'. The kids go out of their way to kill the adults in this film, and I'll be honest, I'm chuffed when one is killed - that's bad to say but these were evil. Evillllllll. And when some adults still believe they are nice, nahhhhhh.
Technically, this one doesn't cover kids, it covers young adults but they all do annoy me just as much as these kids so I'm allowing it - the youths from Eden Lake are up next. Damnnnnnn. These youths put young adults to shame, they are terrible, the worst. They go out of their way to basically torture and taunt a young couple who just wanted to get away for a bit and they aren't ill or under some spell, just mean and nasty. They are ruthless and will not stop, and I hate youths or anyone really who go after people like that for no reason, again, I wanted them gone. You know when a character annoys you when you want them gone - they steal keys, attack and hurt people, not nice, man. Just brats really, brats that have parents that I wouldn't mess with though...
This next one is one of my least favourite kids ever in a film and ruined the whole film for me, so much I watched the film and never went back to watch it again. Sally out of the remake of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, damn it that girl is annoying. She ends up going against warnings from a lovely helpful stranger at the house, messing things up, and then just being a massive grass - not cool. From the start I hated her, hated her, can't deal with bratty children who think they are right, and that is her to a T. I finished this movie, but I am pretty sure I will never watch it again due to her.
I'm following a trend here at the moment, the last few, like Sally, are kids I really really hate... Told you I didn't have a maternal bone in me...
Carl from The Walking Dead is the next one on this list - this is a running joke with one of my friends to be fair. He knows I hate him that much he bought me a little Carl figure for my birthday that proudly stands on my shelf to this day. I do hate Carl though, with a passion, he is just a brat, he thinks he knows best and thinks he can do no wrong. "Carl, stay here and wait", minutes later he's miles away trying to solve a problem that wasn't there until he made it. God dammit, Carl, just stay where you're told, cut your hair and give your dad that freakin' hat back!
I feel sad, this is the last one but yet I feel there are many other annoying kids I hate that I have forgotten about... This is two characters combined though as I pretty much hate them for the same reason, both just cry and scream, and do it when they don't get their own way as well as just getting in the way. One is from a film I love though, that film is the new War of the Worlds, and is Rachel. Great film, love the film, hated her, she just screams and kids screams go right through me, just doesn't help any situation and she is a brat to Tom Cruise's character who is trying his damn hardest...
The second film is the Babadook and Sam is the kid. I am for sure not the only person who hates this child, his screaming is the worst noise I have ever heard in my life. That car scene, damnnnnn, I hate it, I have seen that movie once and hated it, and I blame the character because the monster actually seemed quite creepy. He was that bad I wanted the monster to get him... And that's harsh, I know.
And that's my list, as you can see, I am not a children person, I am not a fan of children, especially in horror films, I don't want children anytime soon, and it may be due to some of these cuddly, little brats... Use condoms people.
Love them or hate them, old people are always around and will always be around, but have you ever thought about them in depth, mainly how they are in horror films? No? Nah, me neither, until nowwwwww. And it turns out, they are pretty damn scary...
Oh, and there will be spoilers.
I am starting with a very obivious one here... Obvious if you know the film but it is a pretty recent film, The Visit. The Visit is about some grandkids who go and visit their grandparents, ones who they have never met, might I add, and one's who the mum didn't really see before sending the kids to them. I find this family weird from the start, the boy annoys me with all his awful rapping, the girl annoys me because she's just so nice, and the grandparents are just weird - obviously.
And the grandparents being weird all becomes clear at the end, they are not who they say they are, and they turn into old people I would not like to cross on a dark night. I would like to think I could hold my own against people, especially older people, but maybe not when they are not human like these two... I'll stay well clear, thank you.
You know how I mentioned above that I wouldn't cross those old people, yeahhh, I wouldn't cross this one either, Mrs Ganush from Drag Me to Hell. Dear God, man, why did Christine not just give her more time?! 'A loan officer who evicts an old woman from her home finds herself the recipient of a supernatural curse. Desperate, she turns to a seer to try and save her soul, while evil forces work to push her to a breaking point.' The woman literally tormented her and literally dragged her to hell, like, why didn't you giver her more time to get the money?!
Normally, this woman would annoy me, as I don't like special treatment on some, but if she is able to torment someone with a hanky, they can have all the time in the world. Please don't hurt me...
Legion is a good film, I feel it's actually quite underrated to be fair - 'When a group of strangers at a dusty roadside diner come under attack by demonic forces, their only chance for survival lies with an archangel named Michael, who informs a pregnant waitress that her unborn child is humanity's last hope.' There are a few parts of this film that stuck in my head more than others though, one of them being the old lady and her big mouth. Yep, old lady and her big mouth.
This little old lady comes into the dinner, sits down, orders a pretty raw steak, before taunting and swearing at the rest, mainly about how the waitresses baby will burn in hell.. as you do. She then tries to rip someones throat out and just basically goes mad... and crawls along the ceiling like a spider... Yeah, we'll leave her be.
One that I am mentioning on here, that I have to own up to not actually seeing, is Rabid Grannies. 'When given a demonic present by their black sheep nephew two kindly old grannies are transformed into demons who proceed to gorily knock-off their greedy relatives.' I have nothing to really say about this, as, as I said, I have not seen it, but I feel I need to.
Even though I have never seen it, I am putting it on the list, for the main reason, that rabid grannies do not sound nice. Rabids are bad enough, let alone from a human.
I hate lists, because I am sure I am going to miss really good ones out, but this is the list of old people. I am stopping it here or else it will be like a novel...
And on that note, I shall cross the road at any of these old people and go and find my mums boxsets of The Golden Girls to watch...
I feel very very bad doing this list as I am a massive animal lover and my cat is my baby, but there are a lot of scary animals out there! Like, it was a list waiting to happen! I am going to do this list, but pleaseeeeeeee, GET A PET IF YOU CAN, they are the best things ever. I don't like kids but I love my fluffy baby... Welcome to the list of pets that could, but hopefully will not, put you off getting one.
Starting the list is the pet that first comes to mind when I think of 'scary pets', but I may be a little biased as this certain animal does have a scary resemblance to my own cat; Church from Pet Sematary. Church is a lovely cat, he's a very handsome boy, (obviously, not being biased again..), he's lovely until he is ploughed down outside his families house. Losing an animal is a very very sad thing, but you know what you shouldn't do if it happens to you? Bury the animal in a pet Cemetery!
Poor Church. Buried there not by choice and so he comes back as some killer cat who definitely doesn't want cuddles anymore... He's now a killer cat who wants meat.
Lesson here, if you have a cat, or want one, do it, just don't bury them in this type of Cemetery... Please.
Next on the list, another very loved fluffy animal and man's best friend - the dog, more specific; Cujo. Now St Bernard's are known to be helpful, loving dogs that are your hero if you ever get stuck at the top of a mountain, that ends if they are bitten by a rabid bat though. Cufo was your everyday lovely friendly dog until he decides to chase a bat into a bat cave, which the bat happily declines by biting him... Right at the front of the noggin on the nose with rabies... Goodbye cuddly Cujo and hello, killer Cujo who wants you for dinner. And a family stuck in a car with Cujo outside isn't ideal... Don't do rabies kids...
I can also see a Stephen King pattern starting this list..
And the Stephen King pattern ends here it turns out.
Next on the list are birds, all birds as the next entry is the classic film The Birds. This film I think put lots of people off birds, pet birds, birds outside, any birds. People all of a sudden felt nervous as they walked past a group of crows or even pigeons if you're English like me. And the thing with this film, is that no one even knew why the birds changed and all of a suddenly turned into feathery killers. Like Jason fell in oil and then a fluffy cushion... Killers right under your nose and eating your seeds and stale bread in your gardens.. Who knew?!
The next one on the list are considered pets by some, others would say they are farm animals - I count that kind of still as pets, depending on if they are forever or are going to be dinner.... Black Sheep is next. I like sheep. I always have. They are just fluffy clouds with legs and always look quite friendly...until this film came along. In Black Sheep, not only are the sheep man eating, they also turn people into man eating sheep too, like zombie sheep really...
Now I wonder if all those jumpers I own came from a killer, zombie style sheep or not...
Next up is the cute little rat, that has at least two films on it, but not in the best light. Rats have a bad run already, everyone thinks they are disgusting and diseased - well, most anyway, and these two films don't help that at all. The two films are Ben, and Willard, both with similar story lines, both about a human making friends with a bunch of angry killer rats, the main point here - the killer rats. Not only that, but a bunch of them. I know that most people, if they have rats, they wouldn't have a whole bunch of them, but still, one rat can be a killer. But rats are nice, please don't hate them all...
The next one is a bit of a weird one... I swear I am not that weird as a person, or when I was a child. When I was young, I loved bugs, I mean, I still love bugs, but when I was young I would have them as pets. I had woodlise, I had ants, I had some of those cute little swimming dinosaurs that looked like flying saucers, and mainly snails. Snails is the main part of these paragraph... Sadly, there are not a lot of horror films about snails, only horror films that have snails in them, like Aenigma, so, I am going to second best thing after snails; SLUGS. And the film Slugs is a good'un.. It's a very very good B movie.. Take that as you will.
Slugs have teeth in this film, TEETH. That's a little bit scary, I mean, just carry salt around with you and you should be fine around killer slugs, but still. If they get into your body, you will turn into what looks like jelly and cream.. mushed. Terrifying, I know.
Okay, so this one is probably the least scary out of all of them.. But they could still eat you. Which is a lot worst than when you accidentally step on one of the poor buggers without socks on...
Anyway, thats your list, please do not let this put you off animals/pets. Don't go be putting Fluffy the bird outside because you think it might peak your eyes out... Or Floppsy in another room because you saw the film about killer rabbits that I forgot to mention... Pets/animals are some of the best things in this entire world! We need them. And as Oscar Wilde once said, " The more time I spend with people, the more I like my dog". I hear ya, Oscar!!!
I have not been camping in years, and that last time I went was for one night and was not exactly in the middle of nowhere. Why is this? I feel the cold, could be that, or I just like seeing my friends somewhere warm, or that, or even that I love the sweet feeling of a proper toilet under me - probably more that to be fair thinking about it... Orrrrr, orrrr, getting back on track, it could be the fact that I don't want to be murder in some horrible way while camping.
Horror films are not a massive fan of camping, mainly young people camping and especially ones who drink, do drugs or have sex. Killers are a fan of them though, being they get super busy as soon as tents are pitched in horrors.
Lets get onto something that everyone tends to have a worldly love for; sex. Sex is everyone and everyone is involved, everyone has been made in someways using some type of sex, if anything. But, sex is bad in horror films, especially when you mix it with the vulnerability of tents, similar to condoms, they are just plastic, but probably weaker than condoms, and less helpful. The first couple to die in one of the all time classic camping movies, Friday the 13th, had sex and didn't notice Jason drowning. Bad move guys, kill a kid but also lead the way for hundreds of other horny kids to die throughout the seven plus films.
And to die in the most original ways may I add, two good things about dying after sex, one, you go out with a bang, literally, and two, you will die in a pretty original way. Take Part 7, couple about to partake in some hanky panky, he disappears, she does the known mating call, and Jason arrives. Dragging her out in a sleeping bag and slamming her against a tree. Orrrrrrr, if you'd rather, how about being burnt alive in your sleeping bag like in the new one?
Unluckily for the couple in Cabin in the Woods, they didn't even get to the deed before they were found by whatever mysterious creatures the men above decided upon. Literally, there was grinding and boobs were out, Chris Hemsworth was happy as Larry, and BOOM mysterious creature came and attacked them before anything. Which was, must I say, a very clever move, a little risky, but clever.In older horror films, most of the time characters never got as far as having actual sex, mainly just foreplay, which isn't a bad thing, but it is if you aren't going to be alive after it... You'd rather go out with a bang, right?! Cabin in the Woods is also another film that puts you off camping, group of friends go away to a cabin to have some amazing fun, (sounds good right?!), only to be hit with a bucket full of different monsters.
The people in Cabin in the Woods have the dream escape, until the dying of course and aren't even safe with staying in a cabin! Camping takes no prisoners.
Sleepaway Camp is a very good example, like Friday the 13th, on why summer camps are a very bad idea. Again, they stay in cabins, yet, still end up being murdered. And this is all because they are out camping, I am amazed there was anyone left at the end of this film to witness the amazing twist as a lot die in this. And, just saying, they would all still be alive if they had just stayed home. Stayed home and stayed sober and also virgins.
Going camping also tends to leads to original deaths, sleeping bags, tents, showers, arrows through a bed, the lot. So if anything, and you have to go camping, least you have fun little death, or you get laid first, normally one of the two. So there you go kids, still fancy camping?
I am going away for a few days so as I shall be gone and no reviews, I am doing a special list to hold down the fort; ROAD TRIPS, and when horror movies put you off them. This is such a clever idea when I am going on one tomorrow...
One of the most well known ones, is The Hitcher, when a couple decide to pick up a hitchhiker, who then chases them down to kill them. Kids, take that as a lesson, never pick up hitchhikers. I like the film, but it has for sure made me realise even more, never pick up anyone. Anyone. Even roadkill, that might chase you down and kill you. I also don't mind Sean Bean as the evil guy... Don't hate me.
I am heading up north, and one film that was based on a true life story near to where I am going, I say near, nearer, up in Scotland, is The Hills Have Eyes. And yes, it fits, it is based on a roadtrip. A family breaks down, but whoops, near a family of cannibals, hate when that happens...
Good film, but not when your mum thinks it's similar to Indiana Jones and insists on watching it...
A very underrated movie that definitely makes this list, is Hush. A couple set off on a trip, only for the girl to disappear. This is a brilliant British film, and one that is not known at all. The tension is perfect, it is fairly realistic, unlike some of these type of films, such as he does need to stop for petrol during the film, and one of the most important things, aside from the ending, the characters are likable. Yes!
Ohhhh, this next one is pretty creepy, once I actually stayed awake through it.. Dead End. A family on a trip turn down a 'shortcut', meeting a woman in white, and never come off.
I find this film very very creepy, like it still creeps me out now, mainly just the Hearse really... Thank god it was creepy though, because the ending is terrible.
I'm starting to think I might jinx myself if I keep going, so I will stop, and say see you in a few!
This is my 'little different' section, this is a section all about what horror has put you off of, there are quite a few things I think different about now, after watching plenty of horror films, but I feel I have more life skills too... Ying and Yang, I guess.